Monday, January 5, 2009
hindi naging maganda ang paghihiwalay namin ni ex. kung sa bagay, kelan nga naman ba gumanda ang istorya ng hiwalayan?
maganda si ex. sexy. campus figure nung college days. at one of the faces-to-look-at-everyday sa company kung saan ko sya nakilala. in short, gf material. naging kami for eight months. matapos yan ng isang taong pagliligawan. 'langya, mas matagal ko pa syang sinuyo kesa sa panahong naging kami.
masasabi kong hindi ordinaryong babae si ex. hiwalay na ang mga magulang nya. ang daddy nya may bago ng pamilya. samantalang ang mommy nya naman nasa ibang bansa, nagta-trabaho. kaya bilang panganay sa kanilang apat na magkakapatid, sya ang ate, tatay at nanay sa kanila.
maraming ups and downs nang maging kami. nandyan ang mga moments ng lambingan tapos awayan, at hindi mabilang na suyuan pagkatapos ng dedmahan. parang roller coaster ride. pero masasabi kong pareho kaming masaya. "weird," ika nga ni jo.
kung gaano karaming beses na nasabi ko sa kanyang "i'm sorry. i am not a perfect boyfriend. but i'm trying to be." ganun din karaming beses syang sumagot ng "please don't. because i am not a perfect girlfriend either."
things never went complicated between the two of us. pero sabi nga, if things cannot go wrong, then it will go badly.
one day, we had an argument. ayoko ng gusto nya at gusto nya ng ayoko. a week passed and we both kept our false tranquility. it was just a simple misunderstanding. well, at least for me. our friends say it's vanity. and i realized it was. but the realization was too late.
most women, are by nature, weak. kelangan nya daw ng kausap that time. someone to cry on. someone to soothe her, console her. and so one of the devil's apostles ascended from hell to do the job.
she went out with her sick-fuckin'-shit, tight-ass, shoulder-rubber boss. (of course i'm not overdressing the description. *sigh* it's a known fact in the company na lahat ng mga naging staff nun, dumaan sa mga kamay nya.) akala ko iba si ex. the boss was 42, married (pero hiwalay sa asawa) at may tatlong anak. yung panganay was already at college. pero sabi nga, ang lalaking matulis, mananatiling matulis. fuck. and so they went out together. and they made out.
i am not stupid to not know. at hindi rin ako bato para hindi makaramdam ng kahit ano. as in tang'na. tumagos sa buto. low blow eh. i quit my job kahit na alam kong i'll be losing a lot in that decision. (i am already at the losing end in any way, so why bother?)
we talked of course before we parted. she plead her guilt. and i rest my case. she said sorry. i turned my back and walked away. i told you i am not stupid. i never asked her why.
more than a year had passed. i found a new job and never heard anything from her since then. but i had been receiving messages from some friends and former officemates. nakikiusyoso. yung iba nakikiramay. hahaha. they'd been seeing my ex and her boss going out. "perhaps they really love each other. let's give them the repose they both deserve," was always my invariable response.
more than a year had passed. maraming nangyari. maraming nagbago. pero sabi nga sa isang kanta, "our roads are gonna cross again... somewhere down the road..." God, indeed, likes to watch. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if He really is a prankster.
december 27, 2008. i was in a resort in batangas and enjoying the year-end vacation. i was about to have my dinner in one of the grills there when i saw her.
of course, i couldn't believe at first. i thought someone's playing another practical joke on me. but it was really her. she was alone, sipping a tea and enjoying herself with a plate of baklava. that was her favorite. she never really changed.
i realized it wasn't a joke by any means. just small world.
my eyes told me she's still pretty and her form did not change a bit. i approached her and, as expected, she was
surprised taken aback to see me. her face turned pale as if a vampire just sucked all her blood.
i said hi. a fair, plain greeting to start out a conversation with an ex-lover. hehe. we shared table and so everything went on. kamustahan. kwentuhan. but we never talked about us. the encounter was formal and sometimes blank, yet ironically, in some ways soothing.
we slept together and that night wasn't futile nor prosaic. she asked me if i missed her. i said never, not a single time. she just leaned over and smiled.
they say all women are weak, vulnerable. if not, at least she is.