parang kayo, pero hindi

Monday, November 24, 2008

SHy asked me yesterday to post this one. sabi ko ayoko. pero dahil sa libreng brownies, 'eto na. *wink*

she is a 24-year old copywriter. he is an architect. they met and became lovers in college. they broke up last year but remained to be "friends." they send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. they still date. they still have sex. they don't see anyone else. it is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. even her friends are in the dark. "parang sila, pero hindi."

she works in a telecom. he is reviewing for the board. they are in the same barkada. they talk on the phone till 4 am. he gives her chocolates, flowers and cds even when there is no occasion. their friends are suspecting something. bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? why does he hold her close on the dance floor? bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? sila kaya? "he hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "but i let him hug and kiss me. parang kami, pero hindi."

they work together in an ad agency. after office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at glorietta. she gave him harry potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. they made out during the company outing in subic and never talked about it. he said "i love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. but one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. she likes him. and she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. there's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

she is a 28-year-old virgin. he's a 35-year-old bachelor. both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. after a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. they have been doing this for months. she wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "we don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "what's important is i am enjoying this -- whatever it is."

the "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. others call it mu or mutual understanding. pseudo-relationships. pseudo- boyfriends. flings. almost like a relationship, but not quite. it is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. one or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. you just let your gestures do the talking for you. walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. hindi kayo mag-dyowa. pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi. this kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. it can happen after a break-up. you still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. and for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

it can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. testing lang. puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo -- usually the guy -- may ka-relasyon na. kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

this pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

so bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

iba't ibang dahilan. puwedeng for fun lang. puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. for those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. it would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. no commitments involved. for the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit. my rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala." ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. iyong merong laging kasama. habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan. but then i learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. and usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.

una, you can't ask him to commit. since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. ano ba kayo? may K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? you will always be uncertain about your role in his life. you can't expect him to be always there with you. and if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. ano ka ba niya para magselos?

pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? you can't be sure if he feels the same way. baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. because you're not sure if he'll like it. baka mapahiya ka lang. this stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. or if there is a relationship at all.

pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? what if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? what if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls? isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. when a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. wala kang pinanghahawakan. kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. kaso, hindi eh. real pain. and usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyon. and you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. ang hirap, ano? you agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. but if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. you can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

when i was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable someone, a friend told me, "sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. magpakasaya ka. pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. usually, hanggang doon lang siya ...almost, but not quite.

48 comments:

JoShMaRie said...

ang hirap ng ganyan... walang assurance. tsk.

paperdoll said...

hmm. . parang tungkol sa relasyon nababasa co ah. . ung akin din medyo. .

kwento ng iba't ibang nilalang yan ah!

wow ha! ang ganda ng topic na toh. . marami aco nyang tinatawag na pseudo-relationship na yan. . haha. . dapat may storya din aco jan. . lol

kosa said...

ang relasyon kase minsan...

sa aking walang kwentang opinyon,
kailangan ng commitment..
pero paano kung hindi mo kayang magdala ng relasyon(just like yourstruly)? eh di msanay ka na lang sa set up na ganun... para kapag nawala--- nakahanap na ng iba yung isa di masaydong mapait ang iyung panlasa...

teka ikaw ba yung nasa unahang bahagi ng kwento? HULA ko lang ah... di mo natatanong.. kamag-anak ko si madam awwwwwwring

kosa said...

add kita sa blogroll ko kuya..lols add mo din ako ha...

salamat po!

Rio said...

nice artik kabute...i lab it..=}

Mys Lyke Meeh said...

Galing mo naman magkuento--nakaka-ingganyong magbasa!--

Aye---yah, it's true. You need to be strong in this kind of relationship. Don't fall in love and don't expect on something. But, usually, mas kawawa ang babae kc madali lang mahulog yung loob nila!

Anyway, regarding dun sa post ko, wg mo nalang alamin-ayokong sagutin!(hehe) Take care!

bloom said...

"parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.

i so so agree. :) pero dito ako happy ka bute hahahahaha! if you would scan thru my archives, eto ang rason kung bakit ako nagblog! hahaahha..

anyway, regarding your comment sa post ko.. hmmm, i do sing! :) i play the guitar as well :) hahahaha! try clicking the RENDITIONS sa category cloud ko :) uL hear me there :) hehehe.

lucas said...

tsk... ayoko ng ganun... sila naman talaga eh... i mean wala nga lang title.

-mOlit- said...

tsk.tsk... ky saklap naman ng ganitong sitwasyon..pero, well kung saan ka masaya doon ka.. be ready to take na consequence nlang...hai buhay talaga hirap eh spel :d

Nyl said...

mahirap kapag feelings lang lagi pinaiiral..minsan kelangan mo rin mag-isip kung tama ba yung pinkasukan mo. tama ka, pwedeng pumasok sa isang relationship na walang commitment bet. you two..yun nga lang dapat ikondisyon mona self mo sa maging consequence.

para sa'kin improtante parin yung commitment..ayaw kong mangapa kung saan ako lulugar bet. us. eh, kung di na mag work out eh di, pag-usapan..hiwalayan..as simple as that..di korin kasi ugali ipagduldulan sarili ko sa taong di kayang manindigan para sakin.

Chyng said...

Ouch, tinamaan ako jan before sa email na yan. Antagal din kasi namen sa stage na NOT-OFFICIALLY ON.

Ansakit ng line na "The relationship maybe unreal, but the PAIN is so real!"

Well, rejoice kame na talaga! Both of us were ready na.

Fjordan Allego said...

nabasa ko na yung last part.. habang binabasa ko nga siya, sabi ko, parang ikalawang blog entry na to na ang tema e pseudo-relationship.. tapos yung last part nabasa ko na nga sa isang blog.. sayo yata yung orig kasi yung una kong nabasa sabi niya, kinopya lang daw niya..

hayz! kakarelate ako tsk tsk..

http://fjordz-hiraya.blogspot.com

prinsesa000 said...

huhuhuhu...
kakatapos lang ng isang psuedo - relationship sa aking buhay..

at oo ang sakit talaga!!!

Dudong said...

wala talgang kwenta ang pseudo-relationship, eto ung sinasabi nila sa Europa na sa panahon ng taglamig. sa twing nilalamig ka iihian mu ang pantalon mo para magkaramdam ng panandaliang comfort but in the long run, pag natuyo na to, hindi na kayaaya ang amoy at ang pakiramdam. parehas ng pseudo-relationship.

nahj12 said...

its really hard to be in such situation.. nako.. complicated.. isa lang masasabi ko.. if you happen to know the song "goodbye my almost lover" ata yon.. it would practically suit this..

ka bute said...

Goodbye My Almost Lover

You fingertips against my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you’d never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and I’m haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy for you
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

'eto ba un nahj12? (--,)

M A Y A said...

"parang kayo pero hindi"... walang commitment... di okay yun.

teresa aka Churvah said...

hello po,binigay ng friend ko ang link ng entry mo na to,nakakatuwa naman kasi magnda ung topic, at slightly (yep,slight lng,hehe) ay nakaka relate ko. I made an entry in my blog, and i qoute some parts of your entry, i hope you dont mind po, ^___*, i gave you the proper credits naman po eh.

tnx!

http://88beentheredonethat88.wordpress.com

gillboard said...

gaya ng sinabi mo marami talagang pumapasok sa ganitong klase ng relasyon kasi masaya. pwedeng panandalian munang kakalimutan ang katotohanang maaaring walang patutunguhan kasi nag-eenjoy pa siya sa kasama niya.

kasi, kapag nasa ganyang sitwasyon ka, kahit ano pa ang sabihin ng iba, hahawak ka talaga sa katiting na pag-asang baka sakali ay mahalin ka niya talaga.

carelesshush said...

uhmm, tama bang sabihin..BEEN THERE, DONE THAT?? bweheheh

nagkaron ako ng 'almost BF' nung college and OK naman kahit walang official commitment pero in the end meron talagang maghahangad na sana meron kayong commitment, nyehehe..at syempre AKO yun naghangad waaaaaaaa...ano veh, babae lang ako, sadyang malarit! haha...PERO mutual decision naman yung hindi namin pagkakaron ng official na relationship..wala lang ayaw lang sa pressure...

anyway, we end up as FRIENDS naman :)

kegler747 said...

Sinasabi nila na parang pang high-school yan pero marami ako kakilala at ako narin minsan eh ganyan... ok na nga rin yun kaysa wala ;) hehehe

aquamarine said...

anyway, i have a friend who was in a pseudo-relationship and i cud hardly emphatize.
salamat sa pagdalaw sa site ko.hope to see you again.add kita sa bloglist ko ha,thanks!

izangel said...

ayoko ng ganyan. nasubukan ko na. xet. ^^

oliboy said...

parang so close yet so far away... hahaha!

eloiski said...

wahaha!
usapang heart heart ito!

at hindi ako makrelate!

i'm still a child!

Tanchi said...

hello...in response..im using a canon SLR, tska cheap digi:)

jexamine said...

gggaahh!! feeling ko lahat ng tao na kakilala ko inlab... hhhaaiiizzz

~~m$. DoNNA~~ said...

daan lang po.. busy lang kaya hindi makapag basa :)

prinsesamusang said...

that is a new word for me pseudo-relatinship, very interesting kaso mahirao talaga para kang laging nakatayo sa alambre togoink.

p0kw4ng said...

yun ang mahirap minsan..kahit alam ng walang commitment nandon pa din yung umaasa ka! hay babae kasi eh!

acey said...

sounds complex... :(

thank you for dropping by my little blog, ka-bute! cute name!!!

napunding alitaptap... said...

anak ng banak. . . pwedeng magmura ng pinakamalutong. . .

ANAK NG. . . .

ang aling mo kabute, pa-apir nga!

[ k r y k ] said...

what the heck'!!!

tagusan 'to halaa ka ehe'!
kasi yan na naman talaga ngayon.

tskk.

sakit sakit naman. ampf.

there is no US
YOU and ME lang.
awww sampal yun.
haissst!

nice entry *jappear'!*

chezza said...

I've been there, done that, and I moved on....love comes in many phases and it is in this kind of phase (pseudo relationship) where people became suicidal! :)

Maryah said...

come and see my blog.. parang may connection :)
tnx in advance...
pwede exchange link?!

ALiNe said...

Naku... hirap yang ganyan... good luck! hehe

Dhianz said...

aray koh! tinamaan akoh... perfect timing pagpunta moh sa page koh ahh... hayz!...siguro nga 'un... 'ung kilig feeling dahil walah pa 'ung real thing... or umaasa na maaari maging real thing in d' future... oo malabong situation... nakakatuwa kc parang saya saya nang araw moh.... pero nasasaktan den minsan... pero tama kah... wala namang karapatan para masaktan... ang labong sitwasyon... hayz!... 'un lang muna sasabihin koh for now... bahala na si God...'ung feeling na feeling moh inluv kah... pero inluv nga bah?... pero inluv bah sya sau?... 'un ung tanong... hehe... 'un lang muna hirit koh...pero makakatulong saken kung magrereply kah saken d2... i guess i needed it?.. ewan koh... whew!... hwag mong ihirit sa page koh ha... d2 kah magreply kung gus2 moh lang... salamat sa post... GODBLESS! -di

.::. Vanny .:. said...

i know a couple like this. but the thing is, matigas lang ulo ni girl. cya lang ang may ayaw ng comitment.

but true, this kind of relationship is a no no.

.::. Vanny .:. said...

oh- forgot to say.. this is shobe. ;)

ate vani said thanks for your concern.

Dhianz said...

babati lang... Have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year... GODBLESS! -di

Dhianz said...

have a blessed new year... GODBLESS! -di

sonya sonya said...

"what if you fall deeply in love with him? you can't be sure if he feels the same way. baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. because you're not sure if he'll like it. baka mapahiya ka lang. this stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. or if there is a relationship at all".

~
madalas ganyan ang eksena ng mga bakla. at nasapul mo ako ng bonggang bongga.

geekie-rn said...

geez,, ang pseudo relationships.. napakacomplex talaga..para kang may jowang hilaw. kaasar!

biktima rin! haha! :)

J. Kulisap said...

Ang katawagan yata nito ngayon ay FUBU.

Nangyayari naman at hindi itinatanggi, mainam kung mauwi sa magandang samahan yong "parang sila na parang hindi" na estado.

Yon nga lang baka ang isa o parehong may sabit. Sayang, pero nag-enjoy naman.

Life talaga parang oo..life

kayren said...

usually, hanggang doon lang siya ...almost, but not quite.-- ahaha wag naman.

i think i am in a pseudo relationship with my ex right now. we still say 'i love you' to each other but i do have someone else and he doesnt. he wants me to break up with the new guy pero i know what my ex is capable of, so, nakakatakot. mas mabuti na yung ganto, we profess our love for each other and if it doesnt work out (again) may fallback ako. i know its bad. but i feel justified..

i love this post sighhh. tamang tama sa situation ko.

kae said...

in physical relationships, there will always be feelings involved. ugh.


i'm stalking this blog againnn



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